Thursday, 9 February 2017

Life Changes. They want To Lock Me Up.

Have stopped drinking.
They threatened to send me to an institution.
The last two institutions I was sent to, I was raped by staff in both of them.
Kirklees Community Mental Health Team think it appropriate to threaten my mental state and my perceived safety for 8-12 months so i would lose the house and contents while i was gone. and probably my mum and dog. Come out with fk all and end up dead.

I haven't asked for intensive therapy, all I have requested is somebody to sit with me in talking therapy.

Thursday, 19 January 2017

Feb 21st iiCSA Seminar

Well, iiCSA certainly know how to push survivors away.
Received a letter today in regard to the February seminar.
1 day event in London, 21st Feb.
Expenses has now gone down to £26 for food for 24hrs+, from £35 for 2 days.
We have been informed 
"the Inquiry has stated that on this occasion, Core Participants will not be invited to address the Panel directly, but should submit their comments to their legal representatives, so that the legal representatives can make submissions on behalf of their Core Participant clients."

Monday, 26 December 2016

St Williams Pay Out

De La Salle Catholic Order agree minimal payout for St Williams victims, but hardly the apology Lambeth received for example.

Some of the survivors engage with D. Greenwood, Solicitor.


Thursday, 15 December 2016

Lambeth Survivors get multi-million payout

Every child that stayed in a Lambeth Council home, where paedophiles were discovered is to get compensation.
Thanks to the Shirley Oaks Survivors Association, compensation has been secured for every person that passed through a Lambeth children's home proven to be staffed by paedophiles.
The bill is estimated to run as high as £60million.

When questioned, Raymond Stevenson (SOSA founder) said....

‘We know that every child that was in Shirley Oaks will get compensation, but they have also said that every child that was in Lambeth, they put a caveat where there was a paedophile in the home, will get compensation.‘Well we found a paedophile in every home. So in effect there is knowledge that all the children in Lambeth will get compensation.‘It will be a small amount but then they will be able to apply for physical, neglect, psychological abuse and sexual abuse on top of that.’

Monday, 5 December 2016

Open Letter to Prof Jay and iiCSA

Open Response to iiCSA:
Seminar 29th - 30th Nov 2016

Prof Jay, panel members, legal experts and all who attended, Thank you for having invited several survivors, myself included, to attend the seminar. Also a big thank you to the staff of the building we were in. Attentive, respectful, welcoming. (Cannot name building for security reasons)

The media has done more damage to the child abuse inquiry than any fall outs within the camp, or with survivors.
They have undermined it at every possible turn, especially since the appointment of Prof Alexis Jay to the Chair.

There was one news report, that I have seen so far, that commented on the inquiry seminar this week, despite several journalists being in attendance each day.

Having sat with her in a room for two days solid this week, and watched the some of the same legal jargon fly over the top of her head as well as my own; heard some of the panel comment that parts of legislation are unfamiliar to them; heard the lawyers pontificate over the long term suffering caused by CSA v's time limitation and legislation when it comes to investigation or reparation, I can honestly say..... This, under Prof Alexis Jay, is the best, and only chance we have.

OK, there is much that needs to be altered. The panel need to be more willing to engage with the “lowly oiks” they are there to help. I feel we made some progress in this area.

Rather than expecting us to sit quietly at the back, and if we have any comments, write them down and pass them up the chain of command for perusal, after presenting our case to be heard, we were able to swiftly and somewhat smoothly get the panel to agree to allow the survivor group to add their comments to each section of the seminar.
Some segments of the seminar, we felt needed no input from us and we remained respectfully silent.
This setup however, could be improved upon, I feel.
Despite the panel's accommodation of our wish to interact, it still felt like we were outsiders to the precedings. I personally would like to see a microphoned space usable by the survivor group, to air their contributions to each session. I would like the layout to be altered slightly, so none at the table had their backs to the “audience”, so each on the floor can see the facial expression of every person at the table; i.e. An arc with the Chair at the head, panel either side and the invited “Experts” lower down the table, with CP and Press invites along with Support workers and interested parties able to view all proceedings. The Mic area for survivor feedback would ideally be central point of the panoramic view provided for the onlookers.

Huge progress was made when the insurance companies all agreed they do not believe people falsely claim to have been abused. (see pages 125 – 134transcript day 1).

Given my own personal experience with the charlatan posing as legal council, I was dismayed to see David Greenwood at the seminar. Considering I last received an updated statement of the costs so far incurred in the pursuance of my case some time earlier this year from him, he had no idea who I was.... although I did sack him 3 years ago.

The current redress system was examined on the second day.
Based on an expansion of the proposal I put before the PCC for West Yorkshire, and following the success in Nottingham, I quickly drafted an outline for a redress system involving survivors capable of the level of engagement required with victims coming forward. Help and fund them at local authority level to gain qualifications to then be able to act as a much needed buffer in the “us and them” reaction.
It is my intention to complete the proposal on that redress setup and have it with iiCSA by resumption of parliament in January, following Christmas recess.

One question that was raised was.... How do you quantify the value of the abuse on a child that is already in a disadvantaged position? Those of whom expectation was lower.

Whilst initially outraged by the inference that children in care should have any lower potential than the next person, that the removal of parent(s) in favour of legislative procedure should manifest itself as a lowering of intellectual interaction capabilities.... I managed to compose myself and presented the comparison of 'One girl in a home at same time as me, in grammar school, abused before care but not during her time there, went to University, became an accountant v's myself, a grammar school student, placed in care, abused in care by my carers, and sat there, in the seminar, never allowed to even sit my GCSE's by the CHE I ended up in.'

I will once again state my request for my name to be used instead of Core Participant or Member of the Public, in the transcript of the sessions. I would also repeat my request for lines 7 & 8 page 193, Day 2 transcript, to be struck from the record. Thank you.

Over the course of the two days, I felt we were treated with increasing levels of respect by the panel. I would like to think our opinions and comments were taken on board by everyone in attendance, and those watching the live stream on both days.

Any and all feedback is welcomed and appreciated.
I would like to extend my interest in attending the planned part 2 of the seminar in early 2017, as a continuation of this session.


Karen Gray
Bryn Alyn Survivors
Skircoat Lodge Survivors

Core Participant F25

Monday, 28 November 2016


27 hrs to go before I set off to the iiCSA seminar in London.
THIS is what they are putting survivors of child sexual abuse through.

Friday, 25 November 2016

Open Letter To Prof Jay.

Professor Alexis Jay OBE –
Chair Independent Inquiry into Child sexual Abuse
Milbank Tower London

Our ref: DE/IICSA

25 November 2016

Dear Professor Jay

Open letter 

We, (the Forde Park Survivor Group, the Stanhope Castle Survivor Group and the Comboni Survivor Group, Survivors of Organised and Institutional Abuse, F13, F25 (Karen Gray) and F35) wish to raise with you our shared concerns regarding this Inquiry, its apparent lack of direction, lack of discernible progress and its failure to allow and support Survivors in participating in this Inquiry.
Together we represent over 20% of Survivor core participants in the IICSA. Our voices matter and we will be heard.
We start by saying clearly that we want the IICSA to continue, to work effectively and to succeed. But that support is not offered blindly or unconditionally. Thus far, we feel that the IICSA has seriously and repeatedly failed to live up to its promise to put Survivors at the heart of this Inquiry.

This Inquiry was set up by the former Home Secretary Theresa May, now Prime Minister, who described the Inquiry as a "once in a generation opportunity" to expose what went wrong in institutions and public bodies and to prevent it from happening again. In opening the Inquiry it was said that Survivors of child sexual abuse should be “at the centre of this Inquiry” and that "their views would inform the Inquiry throughout”. Survivors need to be allowed to take their place at the "centre of the Inquiry."

Our wish, which we believe is shared by all Survivors, is that this statutory Inquiry achieves its aims of discovering the true extent of child sexual abuse that was permitted to take place in the past and ensuring that children are properly protected in the future. To do this, the Inquiry has to thoroughly investigate what happened in the past, as it is only by recognising and acknowledging the past that we as a society can move forward and implement the lessons learned from the past so that children can be protected from organised and institutional abuse in the future.

However, despite the Inquiry having been established over two years ago, we have not seen or felt
any progress. The Inquiry seems to be under constant threat and constant criticism. Rarely does a
day go by without resignations of lawyers and comments in the press stating that the Inquiry is not
fit for purpose or suggesting that it is falling apart at the seams.

Let us be clear, the members of our groups, and those who look to our groups to represent their
experiences, are ready and willing to participate. Our lawyers have not resigned despite working
without funding for up to a year. Our groups are not falling apart at the seams, despite the heavy
stresses that this Inquiry has placed upon our members.

Survivors have been waiting for years, if not decades, for an inquiry such as this to take place; and
once established, for that inquiry to start tackling the issues of enduring concern; to determinedly
seek out the lessons from the past and begin to put into place the measures that will protect
children from abuse in the future.

We have been told that you, the Chair, are conducting a review of the Inquiry and have promised
that the views of Survivors will be taken into account before any changes are made to the
We wish to confirm that, as regards any proposed changes to the Inquiry, whilst Survivors will listen
and consider any review of the Inquiry, we will not agree in advance without full and proper
consultation to any modification or reduction in scope of the Inquiry’s Terms of Reference or Scope
of investigations.

The Inquiry has been besieged by criticism and beset by resignations from many lawyers working
within the Inquiry. To all intents and purposes the Inquiry appears to have stagnated. The press and
the media coverage all point to problems with management, systems and engagement.
Neither Survivors nor their lawyers are being kept up to date as to any progress or about the
possible future shape of the Inquiry. For many of us, this repeats the way that the police and the
civil and criminal justice systems treated us after being abused. For many of us, the on-going
problems with the Inquiry bring back the memories of the way we were abused and the way that
we were treated after reporting that abuse.

All of us have been abused and then ignored or side-lined. The apparent mess being created by this
Inquiry and the constant suggestions that the Inquiry is too broad or too unwieldy, with a stream of
Chair appointments and resignations as well as lawyer appointments and resignations, is adding to
our pain and the pain of other Survivors. ‘Here we go again’ we say and with good reason.

The press appear to be fascinated with the drama from within the Inquiry and the House of
Commons seems to be treating the Inquiry as a political football.
Indeed, on 21 November 2016 in the House of Commons, Sarah Newton, a junior Home Office minster, was forced to reiterate that she was “confident, as is the prime minister, as is the home secretary, in the ability of Professor Jay to lead this inquiry,” and that “She [you] has a distinguished career in social work and a longstanding dedication to child protection” after urgent questions were raised by other MPs regarding the current state of the Inquiry. The Home Affairs Select Committee continued its criticisms of the Inquiry yesterday.

Occasionally there is a statement from the Inquiry stating that Survivors are integral to the Inquiry
process when in fact we are being left in the dark about what is happening and what will happen in
the future. So we say, with good reason, that we are being ignored and side-lined once again.
Assertions that the Inquiry is taking on board, and will take on board, the opinion of Survivors have
so far been nothing more than words. We ask you to make that sentiment and intention real and
not just a platitude.
What we require is a firm and clear statement from you, and the Inquiry team, setting out what has
gone wrong and laying down a clear path for the future progress of this Inquiry.


Professor Jay, we know that you have only been in the post for a short time, and that the task
before you is a very large one. We want you to succeed, we are willing you to succeed, we want
nothing more than to support you, but you must urgently give us reasons to have faith and for that
support to continue.
What is required is a full hearing where the Chair of the Inquiry can properly address the criticisms
that have been made and set out the scope and future dates of the Inquiry’s work. Such a meeting
would allow Survivors and their representatives a chance to publicly state our concerns, in the
clearest terms, and to have those concerns heard and addressed.

We are not happy, we are not satisfied, and we want to say so publicly.

However, we also want to say publicly that we want to support you. We want to give you the
chance to show us that you understand why we are unhappy and to demonstrate to us that you
have a clear road map and are determined to get to the destination of uncovering the truth and
previous failings to start the process of healing and to protect children in the future.

We ask you to urgently schedule a hearing at which all of us can attempt to lance the boil of
dissatisfaction and thereafter to recommit ourselves to the shared goals of truth, recovery and
future child protection.

Signed on behalf of

Forde Park Survivors

Stanhope Castle Survivors

Comboni Survivors

Survivors of Organised and Institutional Abuse


F25 Karen Gray


Thursday, 10 November 2016

Counselling - An Honest Response.

I attended an assessment appointment on 9/11/16, so they could decide whether or not I needed counselling for the trauma' I have encountered throughout my life thus far.

My needs are too complex for KRASACC (Kirklees Rape and Sexual Assault Counselling Centre) to even contemplate my case, she thinks. That was 10 mins into the appointment!!! My appointment lasted an hour and a half.

It took the remaining hour and twenty minutes for her to actually build up the courage to admit they don't have the manpower, training or understanding to deal with me.

But that is OK.

At least she accepted her limitations.

Dr Peter Wells put in place everything I needed to sort out my persons. All I need is somebody to help support me while I deal with all the shit done to each of them before somebody gets us deaded. Then I can carry on representing survivors of bryn alyn community in iiCSA, like they should be.

One of the things she kept repeating was how high functioning i am. WTF??

Despite all this, I actually fail to see what was inaccurate in what the woman said, to be honest.
I went there knowing that would be the response because that is the response I have had every time I have presented myself to the people offering "help".
The help that other people insist is available is NOT available in Kirklees,
I do NOT need mental health support, 

My multiple persons are quite content co-existing tyVm, and considering you all communicate with the one that was artificially constructed to stop the world triggering my death wish, the very fact that some want to reduce me down to just one person, I find abhorrent. Tantamount to murderous intent to be perfectly honest.

I need sexual and emotional and physical and psychological abuse counselling.
I need somebody, One person, to sit and listen to my full tale, start to finish, without judging me, and without abandoning me, or silencing me.
Not some wanker that will sit there texting their other half, throwing in the occasional "Oh, that's awful, you must feel terrible."
Well, must I??
How about I feel unjustly treated, misrepresented and abandoned?
Unjustifiably deserted by those supposed to be looking out for me?
But terrible.....nah..... that's what you feel when the guilt is eating away at you. When you know you are to blame.
Well I'm telling you all..... I done nothing to feel shame for.
I don't feel terrible.
I don't feel sorry for myself.
I am certainly not the one at fault.
I feel manipulated, used, abused, abandoned and bloody angry as hell!!!!

Friday, 4 November 2016

Gordon Anglesea 12 Years in Prison

There is a large public presence at the sentencing for Gordon Anglesea.

Jez Hemming ✔ @DPJezHemming
Defence counsel Tania Griffiths says Anglesea did not have a fair trial and it is "fit for appeal" _ shouts from the gallery at that point
2:24 PM - 4 Nov 2016

Tania Griffiths, defense QC in the Gordon Anglesea told the court there were "many reasons why her clients conviction was unsafe" and went on to call the verdict perverse.

She also said "publicity prejudiced a fair trial for her client Gordon Anglesea."

Anglesea staring straight at Judge Walters. Still expressionless in the dock flanked by one female guard.

Judge listening to a long list of submissions from the defence. He dismisses one point to cries of approval from the public gallery.

Tania Griffiths makes application for bail pending appeal : "I invite your honour to say that there are substantial grounds for appeal"

Judge Walters: "complainants subjected to a no holds bar attack" by cross examination
2:50 PM - 4 Nov 2016

Judge Geraint Walters stated “There is nothing in this case that leads me to believe these convictions are unsafe”

Tania Griffiths rejecting assertions made in impact statements by victims
2:56 PM - 4 Nov 2016

Defence arguing that offences are mitigated because they are not as serious as prosecution says
2:59 PM - 4 Nov 2016

Defence counsel Tania Griffiths QC talks about the effect on Anglesea’s family “It could well be could affect his police pension” (He should already have lost that!!)

Defence now comparing previous sentencing of other convicted paedophiles as mitigation in Anglesea's sentencing
3:04 PM - 4 Nov 2016

Tania Griffiths QC finishes mitigation saying: “Custody for this man will be extremely difficult”.

Judge Walters is reading through his summary and sentence... any minute now.

Anglesea looks at the floor as Judge Walters goes into graphic detail about his crimes.
3:17 PM - 4 Nov 2016

Judge Walters went on "You were the man who was in charge and that would have been transparent to all”"
"A boy who needed sanctioning would be sent to you."

Anglesea has been sentenced to 12 years behind bars.

Saturday, 22 October 2016

Common Sense and Justice Prevail

Gordon Anglesea was yesterday found Guilty for crimes against two young boys, under his care, 1982-1987. Source 
This brings Operation Pallial to the brink of double digits!
Nine people have been convicted of abusing children in care as a result of Operation Pallial, including care-home owner John Allen, who was sentenced to life imprisonment in December 2014 and a network of five men, who were sentenced to a total of 43 years in prison in September 2015 after being found guilty of 34 offences. The investigation is ongoing. Source

OK, so nine convictions, some of the perpetrators having worked with children and vulnerable people in England as well as Wales.

How many establishments have been looked at where these perverts would have worked or visited during the time between the (obviously) flawed Waterhouse Inquiry and now?

How can Macur justify her conclusions on her review of the Waterhouse Inquiry, given this fresh conviction. A child abuser, Gordon Anglesea, former Chief of North Wales Police (not just Wrexham, nor even Clwyd, but all of North Wales) has been convicted of crimes that everybody chose to overlook in years gone by.

How many chances must a paedophile be given before the law stops sitting on it's brain and actually works toward ending this blatant disregard for; vile treatment of, our future, our legacy, our children?

These same oversights still happen today in Health, Education and Welfare Depts up and down the Country.

As for Tania Griffiths, the Defence QC that favours the response "It's a conspiracy against my client concocted by people that have never met and are scattered across the world.", I think she needs to brush up on her research skills.

The jury had been treated over the last six weeks to a smoke screen, she said.
She warned of the danger of contamination of evidence and said that a Bryn Alyn home survivor’s web site, which closed down before the trial, had spoke about “all singing from the same hymn sheet” and “sticking together.”
There was talk of compensation, the top 16 abusers named by a number of people, and “similar fact evidence which got John Allen convicted last time”.
There was a risk of contamination at what she called “an Aladdin’s Cave” where people could pick up “a tailor made allegation.”
She suggested the complainants were making copy cat allegations.
The jury were being asked to say there was no smoke without fire.
“The greatest risk is not from the allegations but all this nonsense you have heard of no smoke without fire,” she said.
If he had been a paedophile for years why had he not been arrested and put on trial before? Source
1; None of my sites have closed. 
2; When it comes to the crunch, yes, we do have to support each other, be there for each other. Nobody else will answer the phone at 3am when your head is imploding.
3; Yes, in the support group, over time, abusers were named. They were also named by the Police as soon as they were charged.
4; Yes, some within the group mentioned compensation. It was put to the group as one of the options they could individually look at, should it be a route they wished to take. So what? It is their right.
5; I would love to know where this "Aladdin's Cave" is for tailor made allegations. I've never heard of it.

Asked about the libel compensation awarded to Anglesea in 1994, Ian Hislop, Ed of Private Eye, said
"I take a certain grim satisfaction in this verdict today and in the fact that justice has eventually been done.
"But it is a miserable story and it was one of the darkest periods of my editorship.
"I can’t help thinking of the witnesses who came forward to assist our case at the time, one of whom later committed suicide telling his wife that he never got over 'not being believed'.
"Private Eye will not be looking to get our money back from the libel damages. Others have paid a far higher price.” Source